Away in the dark ..

It’s sad to say
In many things in my life
I see that I am compared with others, but it’s the truth

It hurts to think,
When I set out to start something
I feel it becoming a race between myself and others, that’s just deep.

When I fight for something
My self-esteem won’t let me do it the proper way
So, I end up rushing back into my shell
Covering myself from the world,
But I bet even a snail watches through its tiny little hole
Because I still see people staring,
I still feel the scrutiny
I still hear their comparisons

When I don't fight at all
My interest is questioned, I'm made to be icy.
My words mean nothing
Because my actions aren't expressing the same
I can still see people staring
I can still feel the scrutiny
This time, I can more than hear their comparisons

I try to act like it doesn’t bug me
Hoping that will make me feel better
But you can only hide yourself in the darkness for so long because the sun will come up by morning
And the pain only reincarnates in a more hurtful way each time.

It’s hard to hold my lips up in a smile because my mind and soul are fat with depression.
My tears are in constant battle with my eyes.
Piercing them so much, forcing them to bleed with my cries.
I want to be strong, I want to be happy, I want to ignore shit
But I'm not ready for that yet.
Ive tried and failed countless times.
Ill rather be detached from reality for now.