Poetry

I find that when people read my poems, or any other poem on Femme Fatale they suspect I wrote, they ask what they are specifically about or what inspired them. So, I have decided that I'd generally explain each piece I write for Femme Fatale on this blog. Hopefully, it will allow a better understanding of why each poem is personal to me.

The ZOO

Last summer, my younger cousins came to visit in Vienna and so as I had to make sure they had fun. What do kids love more than animals?  I didn't wanna bore anyone with photos of the zoo initially but when I was going through my camera I thought these were really cool animal shots. Shoot me if I'm wrong.

Photo taken and edited by me.

Photo taken and edited by me using a Nikon D500

Photo taken by me with a Nikon D500 and edited using Picnik

Photo taken and edited by me using a Nikon D5000

SWAG walk with my brother.

I was bored and I had a camera so I took a walk with my brother and took these photos:

My brother.

My favorite necklace now. Its my Jesus cross so I wear it all the time.

POW.
I've always wanted to do one of these, don't hate.

Bye.

Family Photo Shoot

My mum has always been in love with taking pictures for some reason and it has now become a family tradition to have a family photo shoot every Christmas break. Its really like a dress up party cause my mother makes us all wear the same colors. This year it was orange, yellow (I rebelled and wore blue lmao instead of yellow). Anyway, the official photos aren't out but my dad took a few from the side with his camera.

Orange.

My brother and I do look so much alike.

I look like such a baby.

Me in my mum's dress.

My belle sister, Karis.

And then my webcam didn't sleep that night.

Christmas

Christmas didn't end up being as uneventful as I anticipated. We attended a few dinners with family friends and then we took a family trip to Hungary. The hotel was fantastic and the city was quite pretty at night. I was grumpy the whole time so I didn't take a lot of pictures but I took amazing ones of my sister, Karis, with my dad's Cannon.

Before a family dinner. My mum said crazy pose and well..

Karis and Dr Martens. 

Ma mere!!

My mother and sister. Taken by my dad.

K's smile is belle.

I took this one of her.

And this one also.

Heroes square, Budapest. Taken by my dad. 

Don't remember where this was. Taken by my dad.

The statue by our hotel. Taken by my dad.

Chain Bridge at night. Beautiful! Taken by my dad.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

I hope everyone loved their presents xx

A friend of mine likes this picture so you know what? I decided to share!!
Tis the season after all.

If you didn't get anything for christmas, here's my gift to you, enjoy:

Movies Update

After realizing yesterday wasn't Thursday, I went to see 'MI4 - Ghost Protocol' with my siblings. The movie was more than GREAT. Tom Cruise was bad-ass, as usual. The comedy and action were on point. My favorite character, that was not Ethan Hunt, was the "Analyst" William Brandt (Jeremy Renner) . It was also 100% decent which I was pleased about because I took my 10 year old sister with me. I give it an A- because the lead female (Paula Patton) was pissing me off.

Next up: 'Sherlock Holmes 2 - A Game Of Shadows'. Unfortunately, I can't watch it today like I previously planned to BECAUSE, its not out in Vienna until next WEDNESDAY!! Share my frustration? I can literally not wait though. Sadly, I can't even watch it on the 22nd because it's the last day of school and I have other things planned. I'll just have to watch it on Thursday.

PS. I am so not here for Warners Bros. releasing 'New Year's Eve' when it's not even Christmas. That's just beyond stupid. I guess their scared nobody will watch it on on the actual New Year's Eve.

Movie weekend.

Recently, I find that I have nothing to do with my time. Therefore, I declare this weekend, starting tomorrow, a watch-as-many-movies-as-you-can weekend. Starting with MI4 tomorrow, The Help on Friday and Sherlock Holmes 2 on Saturday. The list is still under construction but I can assure you that by the time I am done with that cinema, they will give me an award for most valued customer.
PS. Golden Globe nominations came out today. Whoop. This year I am gonna blog my predictions.

Free!!

Im done with my SATs!!!!
Finally.

I was so exhausted after I finished on Saturday that I just came back home and crashed. I pretty much slept this weekend even though I had a ton of school work to do. Oh well.

I also watched the Glee episode: Pot O' Gold andddddd I'm in love with that Rory Flanagan (Damian Joseph McGinty Jr, winner of the Glee Project) character's voice. His voice is amazing! I especially enjoyed his "Take Care of Yourself" cover; I almost cried. I can't wait for Samuel Larson to come on Glee now that Ive seen what Damian can do. I still can't believe he's only 19!! He's talented. Okay, enough glee, I can go on for hours.

Im freeee. I have mocks in January though -_-
I have to start studying soon.
Much love xo

Dancing Nigerian Cop.

Check this video out, it is hillarious!!

Insecure Girl

Insecure girl,
Your confident walk,
Pulls the curtains so the majority do not witness what goes on behind your mask.

Insecure girl,
I know how you feel,
goodbye kisses have a way of leaving a mark on the faces of the heartbroken.

Insecure girl,
You choose to fall far from the flock and follow a black sheep.
Its no wonder you feel lost.

Insecure girl,
Your 100 euro bobby brown may hide the black spots on your forehead
But the story remains written all over your face in permanent ink.

Insecure girl,
You passive smoker,
You watch as others govern the kingdom of your mind.

Insecure girl,
It makes me laugh when I hear you talk like your mama never forbade your use of such language.
You naïve fool, you think it makes you sound wise.

Insecure girl,
Didn't your mother also tell you of how she spent 9 months forcing courage down her umbilical cord?
Yet you walk around like shattered glass.

Insecure girl,
I hope you read this and know I'm talking about you
because I really want you to know you're bigger than you think.

18

The time has finally come. Well, soon.
I'm going to be 18!!
To be honest, there's only one thing I wish I could do for my birthday: spend it with 4 specific people but unfortunately they are all in completely different cities so I guess I could scrap that thought.
Anyway, I can't think of anything I want to do instead to celebrate. Yet.
I do know what I want however, for now at least: A sketchpad + pencils + New MJ calendar. Random. I know. But I just feel like I haven't done any drawing lately, might as well use my talent.

I run

I run,
For a living.
At the pace of the heart beats of those singing psalms with open arms and whose naked eyes release tears that erase the ink notes of their lives.
Through vast fields filled with mines and sounds of bomb blasting echoes in my soul playing in the background.
In a race filled with glittering options with piercing voices that leave your mind speechless and make it difficult to walk around blindfolded.

I run,
Towards the invisible finish line that resembles the frown lines on the faces of people who disapprove of my life.
People who think they can map your path out with the paint leftover on their ears that stay laying with walls hoping to hear the latest word on the streets.
I find it impossible to imagine that I wake up everyday to my "Mirror mirror on the wall" only to see a face and walk away convinced I'd seen myself.
Because it seems fair to them to think that I've metamorphed from little drizzles on a withering autumn day to snowflakes on a beautiful summer morning.

I run,
Through a maze built by ravenous souls in lust for unsent love letters handwritten in cursive because we would rather satisfy our flesh first.
I remember how your hands directed elongated symphonies as your fingers travelled to and fro my naked body in search of a ravishing spot to hide.
And the unspoken words you sang through the endless seas of blue in your eyes remain as permanent tattoos in my dislocated mind.
And that goodbye kiss that poisoned my insides led to my eternal numbness because I've been inflicted by your kind ever since like the vibrations of sounding raindrops in my thighs call to them.

I run,
Away from maximum security prisons where the pain I have spelt out in dairies are locked away. But they escape from my tongue while my spirit tries to converse with my Maker's causing me to run away ashamed. And then my heart fills with exclamation marks screaming STOP!
I need. this pain. to stop.
Binding my future in shackles, causing my skin to bleed as it cries for freedom.
I need it to STOP using walls the height of Mt. Kilimanjaro to block away the peace that should come from Him, because they are only playing hard to get.
To STOP doing cartwheels in my eyes making my tears envious so they fall down my face as they cry.

I run,
Through hallways of past mistakes and a series of unfortunate circumstances, waving my hands frantically in an attempt to signal the author, shouting
"Hey, you can stop writing this now"
Because the darkness became too dark for me and I care not for the delicate intricacies that go down in the mind of one about to take that final jump.
And I've grown impatient waiting to see the words "Happily Ever After" on the following page
Because all I see is white lie after white lie marking the roads that lead to destruction because my life has long been affected by the black deaths of hope and hands brought together in Holy matrimony while unholy lips attempted to kiss heaven.

See

I run,
Because all I see are the torn pages of a diary once kept up to date, slit flesh from nights I swore my voice had been muted because the fervent prayers I said through parted lips did not cause the heavens to open up and rain volumes of blessings, and a broken heart someone is yet to fix.
I run through tunnels of dreams and lose my breath because the air surrounding me is filled with the words I've failed to embrace as weapons in this battle before death.
Words when called together in assembly will read:
"The race is not to the swift nor is this battle for the strong"

- Mercedes

Inhale, exhale.

I've had a rough week and it has mostly involved change and compromise. I have made some drastic changes and I don't feel any form of regret thankfully; at least that means I'm doing the right thing(s). 

In my life, I've learned the hard way that it is important to let things go. It's time for me to finally breathe, to exhale. I did a little confessional-type-thing in a poem I haven't quite found an appropriate title for. It was originally meant for the Femme Fatale blog I told you I was a part of but somehow we didn't post anything again this week. 

We were meant to write something about ourselves and it turned into a means for me to let go of everything I had been holding in for some time now, actually, a really long time. I hope it doesn't become one of those poems that ends up being misconstrued, but whatever right? 

Baby boy

I felt the innocence
of his soul
in the naivety of his speech,
but I led him on
with my soft yet deceptive nods
while I rendered him my ears.

I watched his fingertips
tremble from the great battle
that was going down in his mind
as he contemplated on what exactly he should,
and shouldn't say
and when I took his palms in mine,
I felt his heartbeat
as it resonated the purity,
in his childish wisdom.

A playful tease danced,
at the tip of my tongue
but I refused to hinder him
from allowing his spirit wander free,
in my presence.

His eyes flickered with fear,
and his troubled face left me
feeling as helpless as I usually do
because the same shackles bind me,
so that we can only offer each other
the comfort that comes with companionship.

I refuse to be the one who will encourage him
to throw away his shorts,
for some pants;
a boy cannot teach a boy,
to be a man.

I would rather sit,
and watch his radiating skin shed
with time and life,
and watch it give way
to the puberty filled skin
of a stressed out teenager.

I would rather kiss my baby
until his brown skin almost turns red 
in a blush,
while I tell him he is the man of my life
and he tells me the only truth I believe 
like the black and white words,
in His book:
'I love you too'.

I love my MAMA!!

The title says it best, I can't describe how I feel any further.
My mother is just the most amazing creature on this earth to me, I can't stop being grateful to God for her, honestly.
I know everyone says this, but for real, "My mama is the best in the world"

♥

Hurt

I'm finally back home!

I was away on a four-day biology trip recently and it was not as horrible as I had anticipated. It was just not fun, especially for me. I have learnt that I am clearly an urban spirit I do not particularly fancy anything that has to do with nature.

We basically did the most random things but all about biology; this part wasn't too bad. The bad parts were the actual locations of the various activities. It was a National Park so there were bugs, mosquitoes, reeds, horses, donkeys, cows, birds (basically an intense dearth of basic civilization) and although the hotel was fantastic we didn't even spend close to half the time in it.

Don't get me started on the food. I just finally know for sure that switching to a healthy eating lifestyle will definitely be tasking for me. All in all, the trip was looking like one I would leave saying "I had fun" until I fell down and twisted my ankle for the first time ever. So now I'm sitting in bed with a sore ankle and an SAT Manual and will probably be like this for the next few days.

Promises

The rate at which human  beings make promises without thinking still amazes me. Making a promise to do something does not make it more likely that you will do that thing. So its not relevant to promise to do something if you're no sure you can.

A friend of mine just moved to America and had promised to call me when he got there. Not that I cared if he called or not since we could still talk some other way. I warned him not to promise because he has the best track record for breaking promises but he insisted. And as you must have already guessed, he didn't call and now I'm upset with him.

Moral of the story? Don't make promises you can't keep. Better yet don't promise anything at all whether its a promise to God to to a fellow human, just don't; that is of course unless you're one hundred percent sure you won't break it.

 "It is better to say nothing that to make a promise and not keep it" [Ecclesiastes 5:5]

Change

I have come to accept that everything in life is subject to change. Nothing can stay the same for sure and I guess that's just life. I think people should always learn to embrace change whether it is a major change in your life or someone you know that has changed. Change must always be accompanied with acceptance.

This summer, I changed a whole lot but not in who I am as a person rather in my general outlook on life. It all began when I stumbled upon this quote:

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else and for everything you gain, you lose something else" - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

In life, you might miss out on a few things but you gain something worthwhile in exchange and sometimes people might perceive this as a changed attitude in you but that shouldn't bother you because always with change you might lose friends or people who don't accept the new you; this is how life sadly is.

I realized that this summer and I really sat down to think about the areas in my life that require change and so far I have been doing a good job. I get scared of trying out new things because I tend to be temperamental which would explain my inconsistency with blogging; this too will change.

I would like to refer to this stage as the 'maturing stage' in my life ("Its about time" my mother would most likely say if she read this.) and I'm loving every bit of it.

Speaking of change, I'm now a part of this other blog that's strictly about being artistic and its been going fantastic even though we've been doing a lot of writing in terms of poetry, prose etc. Anyway, kindly check it out: http://femmefatale-4.blogspot.com/

Desiderata (Desired things)

Recently, my whole family got together in London for our first offiicial family reunion. It was so much FUN!! But I couldn't help but think about the reason we all exist and that's my GRANDADDY! He's such a cool guy, I love him and all he's about. I remember him telling me about teaching all his kids the poem 'Desiderata' by Max Ehrmann. Its a poem about life and how it should be and you know what? Im gonna learn it too!!

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.